I spend, what I realise now may be an unhealthy amount of time, thinking about what I would say about the people in my life, if I had to say something at their funeral. It's usually not necessarily a full eulogy, just like a single sentence that would sum up their life. For example, for a certain person, it would be ''He always did his best, and if he knew better, he would have done better''. For another, it's ''everyone needs a (redacted) that loves them as much as (redacted) loved me''. For yet another person, it is ''our friendship is a perfect illustrator that love is sometimes best shared from a distance''. One of my not so good ones is ''maybe they will finally listen to me, just maybe''.
This courtesy is not one I extend only to my friends and acquaintances, I'm not stingy with it. I have time even for people I don't know personally. Arsene Wenger would get ''He was a cocktail of all the things I like most in humans'', Jose Mourinho, on the other hand, would get ''He was everything that is wrong in football, sports and modern life in general''. Elizabeth of Windsor and her likes would all get a generic, yet equally effective ''good riddance'', and that's if I was in a good mood.
In African traditions, generally, a lot of value is placed on respect for the elderly, and the dead. While I understand the need to give more respect to people who are more experienced than us and people who are not there to defend themselves, I maintain that respect is due to everyone, as long as they respect other people. I see no reason to afford respect to people who, clearly, do not respect other people. I have always made this position clear at every point in my life; and I have a long list of older uncles, aunties, other relatives and non-relatives who avoid me to show for it. There are very few things I am more proud of than this metaphorical list. (Of course, it's a metaphorical list, I don't respect them enough to make out time to actually write their names on anything. Although writing their names on a pile of dung has a certain appeal to it.)
I believe that this tradition of given respect to people who do not deserve it is a huge part of the reason our continent, governments, and countries are the way they are; underdeveloped, stripped of dignity and up shit's creek with not a single paddle in sight. We have maintained a system that refuses to name and shame, even the worst among us, just because they have a few grey hair and/or choked on their greed in their sleep. This is now so engrained in our societies that at a very young age, children are taught to not question anybody, from teachers to caregivers and religious people. Those children then grow up to become adults who lack even the most basic scientific and everyday curiosity that our specie has always needed to develop and evolve.
The biggest conmen on our continent today are people in religious and political positions. They abuse and loot the commonwealth of the people in their care on a daily basis and get away with it because not enough voices speak up in condemnation of the ills they do in their lifetime. Once they die, their acolytes, children and relatives stand on mountains of their share of the loot and lecture us all on why it isn't proper to speak ill of the dead. They find obscure good deeds done by these thieves and conmen and point to them as evidence that they had good intentions.
That's why some idiots had the guts to say that the money Abacha looted and stashed in Swiss banks was his way of saving money for Nigeria. That's why we still have airports, hospitals, streets, stadiums and other public monuments, even cities, named after known genocidal maniacs, thieves, rapists and paedophiles.
Yet, every time this issue is brought up, lots of people say don't speak ill of the dead. Here's an idea; if you don't want people to speak ill of your friends, family members, heroes and/or religious models, hold them accountable while they are still alive and get them to do things right and stop abusing the power and offices they occupy. Either do this or hang your head in shame and suck it up when they are named and shamed, even after they die. You have to understand that while these people may have been great parents, relatives and/or role models to you, their corruption, greed, ineptitude and general lack of respect of other people's humanity cause lasting damages long after they die. Speaking ill of them is the least that can be done.
Would I be happy if people wrote or said hurtful or mean things about me when I die? Firstly, I would be too dead to care about the affairs of the living. Secondly, if, intentionally or unintentionally, I hurt anyone enough to make them feel that way at my death, then, by all means, let them speak ill of me. Let them dance on my grave and party like it's '99, it would be my pleasure.
