2016; My Testimony.

I got off work for the last time this year on Thursday afternoon feeling very exhausted. I haven’t had a proper holiday, vacation or anything of that sort all year and it was beginning to tell on me physically and mentally. I have almost a month of vacation in front of me now so I should be well rested in time to resume work next year. Generally, 2016 has been quite a very good year for me. Right up there with my very best years ever, to be honest. I’m sure part of that is because 2015 wasn’t a very good year for me even though, in hindsight, it did eventually work out well in the last 3 months.

In 2015, I put my life into a business.  Every single part of my life went into it. Said business had a timeframe, the timeframe elapsed and I wasn’t making any headways so, naturally I was disappointed. While dealing with my disappointment, wondering if I should continue plugging away and also considering the economic crisis that was always going to happen in Nigeria under a Buhari presidency, I got an offer that would end up changing everything. I got an offer to do one of my dream jobs, out of the blues. I had to give up everything I had in Nigeria and move to a new country though, so it wasn’t an easy decision to make. In the end my love of this job, adventure, opportunity to learn a new language won over a fear of the unknown and generally leaving ones comfort zone. My supposed comfort zone wasn’t giving me a lot of comfort anyway, I thought.

So far, it looks like I made the right decision. I’m now a bit comfortable in another international language, made some great friends and acquaintances along the way, experienced a lot of different cultures to mention just a few. My life has changed in so many ways I can’t even begin to mention without prattling on and boring you in the process. There has been challenges along the way. Of course. Not least living on an island where 90% of the people don’t speak any of the languages I knew before I got there, missing my family and friends, there were times earlier on when I wondered if I made the right decision but generally, it has been an awesome year.

 The best thing is that it not just on a personal note, most of my family and friends have enjoyed 2016 too, my dad has got the something he always wanted, my mum will probably get hers in early 2017, my little sister got into admitted to study Engineering in University(she waited 2 years for it) my bro is in his 4th year and doing well from all indications, my closest cousin graduated like a month ago, Pascal is laying the foundations for a, no doubt excellent career as an attorney, The Arsenal are doing quite well and topped our Champions league for the 1^st time in 6 years. I have even finally got around to dying my hair hahaha.

I understand it hasn’t been the same for everyone and some people can’t wait to see the back of this year. I understand that things can be better and there is always room for further improvement but then things could equally be worse. What I’m trying to say in all of this is that I’m thankful for where I am, what I have and the year I have had so far. If you can’t say the same, please, do not give up. I appreciate this year more because of how bad I thought I had it in 2015. This year could quite possibly be, for you, what 2015 was for me; the storm before the calm. Make changes if you have to, don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone, take reasonable risks. Whatever you do, don’t give up.

I wrote a few weeks back that I was trying to lose weight, well, it coming along nicely. I have started exercising regularly again and I think I can see a few changes already. My biggest problem has been the discipline to not binge and also watch what I eat but I’m getting there slowly and steadily. I haven’t checked my weight since I wrote my last post though (I weighed 97kg then) I intend to do that sometime next week. Thanks to everyone who offered advice on how go about the whole thing, especially, Dr “delight” C, the videos are a very good guide. As for the rest of you who would rather I assaulted your eyes with my one round pack this Christmas, I shall duly oblige soon enough.

P.S. Just in case I don’t get to write again this year, I would like to wish you, your families and loved ones a merry Christmas and a prosperous new year. May the rest of this and the next year be every good thing you wish for. Hasta oltra vez.

My Weight Loss(or not) Journey

 

It looks like my Christmas holiday will involve a lot of beaches, stripping(not that kind), pools, frolicking in the sun and generally not wearing a shirt. That all sounds exciting and all but there is a tiny, or not so tiny, problem with all that. I’m in terrible physical shape. I have been swarmed with work the last few months and as a result I have had no time at all to exercise. I mean literally no time at all. Some days my S-fit app records less than 1500 steps. Now, I’m not quite fat. At least not yet, but I’m definitely chubby and overweight. Where there used to be an outline of 6 packs of abs there is now just one very round, slightly protruding pack.

Not too long ago I was the slimmest motherfucker, eating and drinking any and everything without adding weight. These days I rarely drink soda, though I’m still partial to a few beers every now and then. I mostly only eat one heavy meal per day yet anytime I stop exercising for a sustained period of time I add serious weight. It’s like the weight comes from the windows to the walls to the ceiling to my belly. I know age has something to do with it but then when has something as trivial as age ever stopped anyone from having the desire to be in great shape?

The plan is to start exercising, mainly running, from Monday or Tuesday (always best to procrastinate these things, right?) I’m open to, through this medium or other social media platforms, to exercise and dietary suggestions. You can even chat me up just to guilt-trip me into exercising. It’s actually in your best interest that I lose weight before the holidays. We all know what people do when on holiday, apart from relax, eat and drink,obviously right? Pctures. that's right, people take lots of pictures when on holiday and quite a good number of those pictures end up on social media or in their friends’ phones and, ultimately,eyes. I plan on taking a shit ton of pictures so if you don’t want pictures of my 1-pack belly assaulting your eyes this Christmas you better be rooting for me and help me lose all this weight.

If you want regular updates of how or what I do as regards exercise, I will keep you updated through Instagram stories and, maybe, Twitter. Adios.

A Tale Of Two Leaders

Many Nigerians like to jokingly, or otherwise, compare the challenges of being a Nigerian to that of being an Arsenal fan in the past decade. I could never see any relationship between the two entities, not until early this morning anyway. And maybe not in the way most people see it either.

Last year Nigerians voted out a leader who was accused of been incompetent, clueless and weak. President Jonathan was also accused of not caring about the masses and lining his pockets at the expense of Nigeria. These accusations are more or less exactly the same ones thrown at Arsene Wenger these days.

When Arsene Wenger was appointed The Arsenal manager he was an outsider for the job. So much so that most in the English press didn’t know a lot about him. This was highlighted by the infamous “Arsene Who?” headline. He became Arsenal’s 1^st ever foreign manager but it didn’t stop him from changing Arsenal and English football forever, for good. President Jonathan only became president because his boss died in office and the constitution automatically made him president. I’m certain if an election was held to replace his boss, the late Yar’adua, Jonathan wouldn’t even have won his party’s nomination. He did enough work in the remaining 2 years of his boss’ tenure to not only win his party’s nomination but also the general elections in 2011. First time we had a president who was of southern minority origin.

In the four years that followed he made a lot of good and bad decisions, mostly good in my opinion. Unfortunately, most Nigerians didn’t think so and last year he was voted out after the most propaganda filled elections I have ever witnessed. Arsene, just like every human being, has made a lot of decisions in his time at Arsenal. They have been mostly good in my opinion.

Just a little over a year after President Jonathan was voted out a dollar now exchanges at around 350Naira as opposed to around 180N under Jonathan, the cost of living in Nigeria has pretty much doubled. We have reports of people dying of hunger on a daily basis, the worst rates since the civil war. Polio, eradicated under Jonathan, has made a comeback. Journalists are getting arrested or declared wanted for reporting the news as opposed to celebrating the freedom of information bill under Jonathan. I could go on and on.

The way I feel about Arsene Wenger’s tenure at the moment is exactly the same way I felt about Jonathan’s presidency just before he was voted out. I believe(d) we can do better than him, I believe(d) we could/can have a better president/manager but having seen the options in front of us I believe(d) he is/was our best bet at this/that moment. I really hope President Buhari has a secret grand plan and it works out well for us all in the end just like I hope whoever succeed’s Wenger, whenever he goes, surpasses his achievements. I wouldn’t bet a dollar on it happening though and that’s not just because a dollar is too much money these days.

looking In The Mirror; Why am I always single?

I’m a serial single man. I pretty much have long stretches of singleness interrupted by short bouts of relationships and pseudo-relationships. My longest ever relationship only lasted like 8 months. I’ve had my fair share of relationships and things that looked like relationships but can’t exactly be qualified as one in the real sense of the word. After another recently failed attempt at making a relationship work and hearing “but why are you always single” for the umpteenth time I decided to look in the mirror and ask the man in the mirror why I can’t seem to make it work. Here are some of the stupid and not so stupid reasons I came up with and some I have, over the years, gotten from people I didn’t work out with.

First of all, I enjoy been single. I like it a lot, maybe I even love it. The freedom that comes with been single is so addictive that once you get into it, once you realize you can actually be happy without the help of someone else, it’s hard to get out of it. It becomes very difficult to allow another human to come into your life and take center stage. You don’t want to go through having to pay special attention to the welfare and happiness of another human being while making every single, hitherto, personal decision. You get to enjoy your food without having to fend off another person who told you just seconds ago that they don’t want food. You get to travel without thinking twice, stay out as late as you want and pretty much do whatever the fuck you want. It’s really hard to give all that freedom up just to please another human being.

If the above sounds too serious to you, that’s probably because I take relationships serious these days. Ironic, right? A guy who can’t make relationships work saying he takes relationships serious. I was actually told words to that effect by someone I was trying to work something out with not too long ago so you can chalk it up as reason number two why I’m serially single. I have also been told I’m “too good/nice to be real” and we all know the nice guy never gets the girl, right? Anyway I don’t think I don’t think I’m too nice(you don’t wanna meet pre-2010 me) and neither do I think I’m too old to not be taking relationships seriously. I know I’m relatively young but I’m not exactly a spring chicken and I have been dating for more than a decade now, I can’t help but take it serious before marriage comes around and the only dating experience I have are just one night stands and flings.

 I’m not ready to make a fool of myself. It seems these days you have do something really dramatic to get people’s attention, like you have got to pull a stunt that could easily go wrong and leave you looking like a complete idiot before people know you are serious and there is a chance you like them. I’m too old school so excuse me if I’m not leaving you 5 missed calls after you get angry over nothing and drop the call, leaving poems under your Instagram pictures,  agreeing with you when you’re as wrong as option “Z” on a multiple choice question, telling you your make-up is on fleek when its actually hideous or just plainly going out of my way to look stupid in public to make you blush for a few seconds. I can handle been your comedian in private but sweetheart I absolutely hate embarrassment. Thank you.

The friend-zone. I’m a professional at intentionally getting myself friendzoned and friendzoning people. The reason is simple, when I don’t like someone enough to want to date them, I can’t pretend for one second that I do. I hate leading people on or been led on so pretty much from our first contact I’m already positioning to friend-zone you or be friend-zoned.

The Arsenal. Let me just say that this isn’t Arsenal’s fault. It’s the fault of the people who are stupid enough to try to come between a lifetime love affair with something that is still in the incubating stages. I have followed, loved and been loved by Arsenal for longer than anybody that is not my family by blood so trying to make me choose between you and Arsenal will only ever end in tears and we all know football clubs don’t shed tears.

I rarely confide in people who are not too close to me. I feel too vulnerable talking to people who are not too close to me about my serious problems, I would rather talk to complete strangers. Even writing this post feels, to a certain extent, like been naked in a market to me. I have been told that people find it easier to date people they have deep bonds with and to create these bonds you have to share your trials and tribulations. Well, between the getting to know me stage (“me” because at this stage I already know the few things about the other person that are important to me) and the 5 or 6 months my average relationship lasts people are either still just outside my inner circle or complete strangers to me.

I am ambitious, very, very ambitious. Some people might mistake my ambitions for grandiose delusions, it might even be the reason some people think I’m too serious. I can’t change or reduce my ambitions and I’m not sorry. Working towards my ambitions also means I don’t have time on my hands to play games. I’m blunt, I like to go straight to the point but people like games. Too bad.

I’m carefree. By this I mean I don’t care who you’re texting or calling so long as you have time for us. I’m never going to snoop through your phone to read your messages or ask you not to go out without me. Long story short, I don’t get jealous easily. Apparently this is a problem because it shows I don’t care enough. I don’t understand the logic either.

Finally, I’m never searching. I don’t go out in search of relationships even when I’m not doing the whole “talking to” thing for months. In fact, my singleness always depends on who is asking. I’m generally a very confident person (this could be easily mistaken for arrogance or cockiness but hey, who cares? Not me) but when I start liking someone I become quite a bit shy and shyness never helped anybody, did it?

I’m sure there are a thousand other reasons including ones I may not even know about and ones I have never seen as a problem but these are the ones I can think of at the moment. If you know me well enough (or not) and think there are reasons I have missed out you can drop a comment anonymously or otherwise. I may have broken the record for the number of times the word “I” was used in a blogpost, maybe I’m too selfish? Make that reason number  1743.

The Best Stew Ever

I was on kitchen duties recently so I decided to cook a big meal of rice, beans, stew and chicken. I boiled the rice and beans simultaneously and naturally the rice was ready before the beans, I put it down and started boiling the chicken. In no time the beans was ready too so I put it down and started making the stew.

Everything about the preparation of the stew was on point, all the seasoning went into the pot at the exact time I wanted, I didn’t forget to put salt, pepper or any of the things I normally forget to put until it’s too late and I was already eating the food. The aroma from the pot was heavenly and must have infiltrated every room in my apartment. I was sure this stew was going to, as the kids say, bang.

At this point I thought, what’s the one thing that’s missing but if gotten would make this meal really awesome? banana. So I wore a pair of trousers and off I went to buy banana from la fruiteria opposite my house. When I returned my stew was ready and raring to be eaten.  I washed my hands and did what I do best; multi-task. I carried the pot of awesome stew on one hand and picked up the frying pan with the other hand and then. BANG!!! It happened. It fucking banged. Literally On the fucking floor.

My hands were slippery from been recently washed, the stew pot slipped out of my hand and everything changed. And so the worst stew ever made in the history of humankind lay on the floor and stared into my eyes with the audacity of Tuko Salamanca when he is pissed off. I wanted to shout but I couldn’t produce any sound, I must have only managed to mouth the words “what the fuckity fucking fuck!”. My next thought was to pick up my phone and call Mr Kaplan to come clean it up but then I quickly realized I wasn’t exactly Raymond Reddington and it may have been red liquid on the floor but it was definitely not blood.

 Turns out wearing trousers to go buy banana was the best decision I made all day, I escaped with no burns. After about 10 minutes of mopping the floor and generally cleaning my kitchen I made another stew and ate my meal. Now, this second stew may not have been the best stew ever made but it sure did taste like it is. It banged in my mouth.

The Church and I.

Yesterday, a friend asked me why I no longer attend church on the regular and in answering her question I realized I may have fallen out of love with almost everything that makes up the physical entity we know as churches these days.

I realized I no longer want to be around people who spend more time talking about good deeds than actually doing good deeds, I no longer want to sit among a congregation that donates millions and billions to their pastors while half the parents in there can’t afford quality education , feeding, and/or shelter for themselves and their children. I no longer want to sit and pally up with people who judge and condemn others based on who they choose to love and the type of sex they choose to have, what they choose to wear or merely having the effrontery to belong to a different denomination or religion.

I no longer want to hear sermons from people who got filthy rich off the back of offerings and tithes and then built schools 90% of their congregations can’t afford. Creations who are happy to be adored and receive the praise and worship meant for the creator. I’m tired of hearing sermons about how to become wealthy, how to allocate wealth, how to pay tithes and nothing about been contented, how to become a better human being, how to help one another and how to love one’s neighbors like oneself.

I don’t want to be around people who push others away from God because they commit a different sin from them, wear different types of clothes or listen to different genres of music. Petty people who snipe at each other at the slightest provocation because their pastors and priests have slightly different interpretations of the scriptures. People who say my prayers are not effective because I’m not shouting my head off and disturbing my neighbors at midnight or on top of some mountain somewhere, people who insist God won’t answer my prayers because I don’t give him/her money through them. I’m especially tired of all these people and their bull excrement. It’s a shame they dominate churches everywhere these days and there seems to be no escaping them.

 You’re probably wondering why someone would choose to stay away from people because they kinda choose to stay away from other people. Well, here is the thing; I stay away from the church in the comfort of my house which belongs to me but these churches push away the very people who own them. They forget that the church is for sinners just like hospitals are for sick people. 

Churches should welcome sinners just like hospitals welcome the sick, wounded and dying. No doctor or nurse rejects a patient because their ailment is above their level or outside their field of expertise rather they give the help they can then refer to them to better nurses, doctors and hospitals. If we are all sons and daughters of God like we claim then it makes no sense for us to push our brothers and sisters away from our parents just because we think they annoy our parents in a way that is different from the way we do. Especially since our parents love and forgive us all equally.

Birthday Weekend Shenanigans

WHAT. A. WEEKEND!

Last week Thursday was my birthday. Normally I would go out and have drinks with friends, have a quiet dinner/lunch with the person I’m dating or my closest friend at the time, but this time I decided to do something a bit different. I had a little eat-drink-dance-have-fun-with-friends-until-you-pass-out thingy in my house, a mini house-party if you like.

I’m not much of a crowd person and considering the size of my living room I decided to invite the lowest number of people possible. You think you don’t have many friends until you have to invite only 9 people to your birthday party. Anyway, after much back and forth I made a list and stuck to it.

                     A couple of friends brought bilola and Spanish omellette. Tasted heavenly.

 Too bad this is the best shot I got of my chocolate cake. I was having too much fun to be concerned about pictures.

Squad

As you can see from our sweaty bodies in this pic above, we were already hours into drinking, dancing and eating before anyone remembered it would be nice for us to have a group photograph.

It was an awesome night and I loved every single second of it.

I woke up the next morning, sunday, with a sore head. I didn't actually want to wake up early but a couple of friends had arranged a trip to the seaside as a birthday present to me and since my mama didn't raise no bitch I woke up at 8, carried my sore head(and body) into the bathroom, cleaned up, packed a backpack headed out.

Ready or not...

I didn't regret it as we visited a part of the sea I had never been to, saw a lot of nature, swam in the sea, tried to dive for a few seconds(there is only so much gallons of salt water a grown-ass man can gulp before giving up), had a good time with friends.

not a bad view for sore head

shoes in the water

We had to wear shoes while swimming and diving to avoid stubbing toes or any such injuries because this part of the sea is very rocky. I'm not sure I stepped on any even or sandy ground while inside the water.

The greatest

We went to a nearby town for a late lunch of seafood and then headed home. I came back home to a bottle of red wine courtesy of my neighbor(whom I didn't even invite to my party, though I sent some cake). Lovely. And just when I thought my weekend couldn't get any better I discovered I didn't have to work on monday because PUBLIC HOLIDAY. Like my English friends would say "If Carlsberg made weekends...".

I Think I've found Love!

I think I have found love.

I’m generally what most people would call a weird person, I pick interest in the most awkward things, I enjoy what most people hate. I don’t give a shit about what most people give a shit about, and vice versa and as result you will mostly find me not walking with the crowd. I know there are people in the world who would consider my habits and lifestyle perfectly normal but I also know for sure that I’m seen as everything but normal where I come from and else I have ever been.

I have a routine that’s something along the lines of; find something interesting; do it; overdo it; hate the fact that I’m addicted to it; quit it forever or/then go back to it after a long time off and do it in moderation if ultimately I think it’s a good thing. This routine is pretty much the only constant in my life, and I fucking hate routines. I’m so good at it that I have done it with everything from food to relationships to religion, music, smoking, gadgets to games to social networks and everything else. Well everything else until and after I found Arsenal.

I found Arsenal (maybe it found me) and it seems I got stuck. Usually my routine takes anywhere from six months to 4 years to go full cycle but my first memories of Arsenal already goes back to almost a decade and half yet it still feels so new and interesting to me. It feels like someone brought a giant pot, picked the first three steps of my routine, threw them inside, stirred it, making the finest of vegetable soups in the process, stuck me head first into it and then sealed it with whatever the gods sealed Tottenham  to Arsenal’s shadows with.

I have been in love a few times (or so I thought) but all of those times (bar the very first time when I was still at the “find it interesting” part and the ultimate tragedy struck) I have never felt the kind of emotions Arsenal casually incite in me pretty much every weekend. I don’t really feel pressure but every time an Arsenal player goes 1V1 against even the worst of goalkeepers I shit my pants and hope they don’t miss. Every goal still gets me out of my seat and every loss still hurts like physical pain. Even though I try to always stay calm and tell others to do the same it’s really just because seeing or experiencing fellow Gooners bricking it only makes me brick it further.

Now I don’t know why I feel or react this way to an institution whose spiritual home is thousands of miles away from where I was born and grew up in, an institution that frustrates and delights in equal measure these days. I suspect it’s because of the awesome friends and memories I have made over the years through supporting her, maybe because there is always a next game and/or a next season. Maybe it’s because of the classy way the club generally conducts its affairs or maybe because we are by far the greatest team the world has ever seen, I’m not even sure I want to know why. what I do know though is that even as a generally underwhelming season draws to an end, I’m already looking forward to next season and it doesn’t matter the who the manager, players or owners are (so long as they are not Jose Mounrinho or any cunt of such magnitude. I really doubt such a cunt exists) I will be supporting and defending every single one of them to strangers and “fans” alike because it looks to me like this is what love is, it looks to me like I have found love.

NETFLIX AND CHILL!

Netflix and chill means exactly that – watching something on Netflix while relaxing, even though people might change their mind along the line but until then, it doesn’t equal consent to have sex like most young people try to make it out to be. If you want to have sex with someone make that clear. Attaching hidden meanings to words is exactly the kind of thing that unfortunately leads to rape and jail terms and no sensible human being wants any of that so cut out the shady slangs.

I don’t imagine any judge will look at all 6ft of me accused of rape and standing in the dock and say “go home young man, she did invite you for Netflix and chill after all”, I’m sure you can’t imagine it either so my dear get/give clear consent before proceeding with whatever form of sexual debauchery you want to engage in.

If somehow you are already smooching and kissing and he/she suggests/says he/she no longer wants to go all the way or you remember that she/he never even gave consent in the first place then you have to stop right there and confirm/get consent before proceeding. You may think stopping in the middle of everything to ask for consent is a mood killer but I reckon the thought of picking up the soap is an even bigger mood killer so do the right thing, amigo.

I’ve had people tell me things like “you should have persuaded me more”(try persuading me too),  ”you should have forced me, I like it rough” (I like rough too but it’s sexier when you shout “yes! Yes!! Yes!!!” all the way through it all), “I didn’t want to say yes and appear cheap”( if I gave a hoot about how cheap, expensive or hard to get you are then I probably won’t be having sex with you) or my personal favourite “I actually meant yes when I said no” (Oya, come and be going!).

It’s actually all quite simple, isn’t it? Asking a simple question or answering it when asked isn’t exactly like sending man to the moon for the first time, is it? You’re too shy to ask or answer? Maybe you shouldn’t be having sex in the first place! The question is too straight-forward? You’re either too young or too immature to be having sex. You’re not quite sure of the right words to use in a language you don’t really understand? Try a language you both/all understand perfectly well.

Carrying conji around never ruined anyone's life but having sex  with people without their consent has ruined and unfortunately continues to ruin people's lives on a daily basis. You're better than that.

"LAZY"

I think most people have a warped understanding of the word "Lazy". Most times what people call lazy is just genius in action. I feel lazy is a word invented by the many people who work other parts of their anatomy more than they do their brain to make themselves feel like they are better than the few who do the reverse.

‎I feel like most of the people labelled lazy are actually busy trying to think of easier ways to get things done. Think of all the people who made breakthrough inventions in their lifetime, most of them must have been labelled lazy before they made their big break(or even after). Think of the person who invented electric fans. Everybody busy fanning themselves in the heat and this person goes "sod this! I'm gonna build something that will fan me while I kick back and drink rum"(or whatever he was imbibing then)‎ even his closest friends and family must have thought "lazy twit, can't even move his wrists to fan himself".

How about the guy who put engines on bicycles and created motorcycles as a result? ‎Word on the streets is that the first 27 times she/he mentioned the idea to friends while riding a bicycle to wherever  they were going at the time she/he was told‎ to stop been lazy, man up and pedal on.

Don't even get me started on revolutions. "Hardworking" people picking acres of cotton fields while the "lazy" folks refused to pick sh!t and questioned why they were kidnapped and been forced to work. I bet you the first ones who revolted were derided even by their own brothers and sisters for been too lazy to work hard for their freedom‎.

I leave you with this great quote:‎ "Stop lazying around with those cables and box thingies. Run to the next village and deliver this letter to my bestie" Alexander Graham Bell's girlfriend just days before he invented the telephone. Reports that the content of the letter was "OMG! Girl, brows on fleek" remain unverified at the moment.‎ Just like the rest of the quotes used in this post.

TwitterNG and Cheating

The most difficult part of writing, in my opinion, is starting. I find the whole process of writing a catchy introduction, so that readers won't stop after the 1st paragraph, tedious. I also feel like the kind of people who can't endure a horrible intro like the one you're currently reading are exactly the kind of people I don't want reading my post(s) so I just start my post(s) with whatever comes to mind at that moment.

See, I used to think sex was what most young people thought and talked about the most but I've had cause to change my mind recently. I now think it's cheating in relationships or double-dating(quadruple/sextuple-dating in some cases) as some people who want to justify their actions to themselves refer to it. I have zero presence on "Nigerian Twitter" but I follow a few people who tweet about pretty much everything that happens on there so I enjoy the banter albeit from a safe(for my brain)distance, I find going through their timelines during and after work a good way to unwind.

It feels like no week passes by without a story, or five, of who is cheating on who, with whom they cheat, why they cheat, where they cheat, how they cheat and when this cheating takes or took place. The thing that interests me most in all of this is how much risk is taken, how much effort put into finding out who is cheating on who and all the other vital details needed to conclude these gigantic forensic reports and most importantly the age bracket of the people involved in all of these.

WELCOME!

Sometimes I have thoughts. Random thoughts, thoughts I want to share with people, thoughts I don't want to share with people, deep thoughts, pseudo-deep thoughts and whatever other thoughts human beings think that I can't be bothered to remember now. At some point these thoughts or more will be shared here for your reading pleasure(or pain).

I would prefer to send anything I write to someone else who is better prepared to run a blog to publish but I figured most people won't be comfortable publishing my thoughts and last time I tried it the person I choose told me they will publish it if it suits their voice and style of writing. Well, they didn't post it or contact me to tell me why they didn't post it so I'm not trying that again. Not when I can set up up own blog in five minutes and post my stuff myself.

My posts won't be weekly, monthly or daily events. I will post randomly, mainly because I hate routines and I already have way too many  routine stuff going on in my life and also because I don't want to be under any pressure to write.

So basically, I will be writing about whatever the f I want, however I want, wherever I want and when ever I want! You're welcome.