The Best Stew Ever

I was on kitchen duties recently so I decided to cook a big meal of rice, beans, stew and chicken. I boiled the rice and beans simultaneously and naturally the rice was ready before the beans, I put it down and started boiling the chicken. In no time the beans was ready too so I put it down and started making the stew.

Everything about the preparation of the stew was on point, all the seasoning went into the pot at the exact time I wanted, I didn’t forget to put salt, pepper or any of the things I normally forget to put until it’s too late and I was already eating the food. The aroma from the pot was heavenly and must have infiltrated every room in my apartment. I was sure this stew was going to, as the kids say, bang.

At this point I thought, what’s the one thing that’s missing but if gotten would make this meal really awesome? banana. So I wore a pair of trousers and off I went to buy banana from la fruiteria opposite my house. When I returned my stew was ready and raring to be eaten.  I washed my hands and did what I do best; multi-task. I carried the pot of awesome stew on one hand and picked up the frying pan with the other hand and then. BANG!!! It happened. It fucking banged. Literally On the fucking floor.

My hands were slippery from been recently washed, the stew pot slipped out of my hand and everything changed. And so the worst stew ever made in the history of humankind lay on the floor and stared into my eyes with the audacity of Tuko Salamanca when he is pissed off. I wanted to shout but I couldn’t produce any sound, I must have only managed to mouth the words “what the fuckity fucking fuck!”. My next thought was to pick up my phone and call Mr Kaplan to come clean it up but then I quickly realized I wasn’t exactly Raymond Reddington and it may have been red liquid on the floor but it was definitely not blood.

 Turns out wearing trousers to go buy banana was the best decision I made all day, I escaped with no burns. After about 10 minutes of mopping the floor and generally cleaning my kitchen I made another stew and ate my meal. Now, this second stew may not have been the best stew ever made but it sure did taste like it is. It banged in my mouth.